I Want to Live

I want to live.  That’s right, I said it.  I want to live.  Man am I happy to be back.  Once again, I was hospitalized this past week and I made this life changing decision.  My Doctor asked me “Well, tell me, do you want to live or do you want to die?”  As silly as that question sounds, its actually been the question I struggle with everyday.  This week I finally made the decision.  I want to live.  Man, I can’t say it enough. I want to live. 

I want to live for Christ. HELLO? He’s the reason I’m alive in the first place!!  I wouldn’t be here without him.  Seriously, if he didn’t want me here he wouldn’t of put me here in the first place.  No, today I stand (or sit at my computer rather) before you today alive and filled with Christ’s love, grace, and forgiveness.  He has a purpose for me and I fully intend to fulfil that purpose (with his help of course).

For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139: 13-16

I want to live for my family.  They love me.  They are here for me.  They would not be better off without me. I’m so blessed to have them.

I want to live for my friends.  They love me.  They are here for me.  They would not be better off without me. (Sound familiar?)

I want to live for the people I have yet to meet.  Can you imagine how God could use me, little ole’ me to change someones life someday? 

I want to live for me.  

I’m not going to lie, this has nothing to do with the Mission School.  I just wanted you all to know the decision I have made so you all can hold me accountable to this.  Remind me.  Tell me.  Ask me. I want to live.  Thanks for being here for me.  You have no idea how much you all mean to me.  I have been overwhelmed with love since my last blog post.  I could not be more blessed.  Thanks again.  I simply leave you with this quote..

“I don’t just want to survive, I want to live.”


One Reply to “I Want to Live”

  1. Dear Toria: We, Lowell & I , have prayed most fervently for you every day and shall continue. How we praise and thank our Heavenly Father for the courage and strength He has given to you to fight this giant in your life. Thank you for sharing, for being so vulnerable. You will most likely never know how many people you have blessed by doing so. We all have “giants” in our lives (if we were perfectly honest). Mine was breast cancer 4 years ago and also I saw the death of a beloved daughter’s marriage crumble due to her unfaithfulness. Which I will quickly add that she IS my Prodigal daughter and has truly repented and is once again the child of the Lord. During those times I clung to God’s Word. Nehemiah 8:10 “Do not grieve for the JOY of the Lord is your strength.” Psalm 5:3 “In the morning O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.” Psalm 10:17 “You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them and you listen to their cry.” and I leaned on II Samuel 22:29-30 “You are my lamp, O Lord; The Lord turns my darkness into light. With Your help I can advance against a troop. With my God I CAN scale a wall.”
    I am sad to say I am the worst Face Book person, and IF I am on once a week I am doing good. I have not read, apparently, all of your writings. You should put them into a book.
    We praise and thank our Heavenly Father for the love of your dear parents, grandparents and friends that have stood by you and cheered you on. You ARE loved so much and we are so proud of you. I’ll honestly try to do better in the future.
    Zephaniah 3:17 “I am with you, Victoria, I am mighty to save. I will take great delight in you. I will quiet you with My love. I will rejoice over you with singing. May the angels of our risen Lord surround you and keep you safe from harm and danger, legions of them if necessary. Love, Ann & Lowell Tolly

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