Some questions I have been asked a lot post hospitalization is “Are you still doing the mission school, now?” or “Are you well enough to do the school at all?” Let me answer both if those questions with one simple word, Yes.

One thing that has plagued me during this whole process is people’s misconception about depression. People seem to correlate being depressed with not having enough faith. Let me nip that in the bud right here. I am depressed and I still have faith! Jesus is now and forever will be my rock, my salvation, my comfort, my healer, etc. Yes, I added healer. Like I have said before, I fully believe God can and will heal me, but that doesn’t me I’m going to ignore the blessing of medication and therapy that God has given me. Even though I’m depressed, even though I have attempted suicide, even though I have hurt myself because of this hurt in my heart, I still believe in Christ and he still loves me. I also believe he has been here with me through it all. He’s holding on to me. He loves me. I love him.

With that said, the mission school is still a go. I am so passionate about this new chapter in my life that is about that is about to begin in less than a month. I’m passionate about others and that’s exactly what this school is about, serving others. If anything, I think it will be good to take my mind and focus on something other than myself for awhile. I know God will use me through my depression to help relate to others better than I would be able to had I not gone through this. I’m so in love with the idea that God is here with me in all this and that God has a plan for my life.

All I want to do with my life is serve The Lord. My depression has not and never will change this. If anything, it makes me want to serve him even more. I want to help people who are hurting and give them the same hope of Christ that I have. How awesome is it that I can do that!? God is awesome. Awesome.

Let me end with this, my God is a gracious God who draws near to the broken hearted. He can also use the broken hearted to do BIG things.

One Reply to “Questions”

  1. Good for you, Tori! I came to a realization recently, regarding faith and depression… When I’ve been in the midst of a moment of deep depression, my psyche starts into some cyclical thinking, “so, if you had more faith, you wouldn’t be having these thoughts… Maybe your prayers aren’t fervent enough… Maybe … “. But my revelation was that these thoughts are arising out of Satan… And his perversion of my faith. Our God truly is awesome, and I wonder if maybe this is all God’s way of getting me to come closer to Him, and bask in His warm enfolding embrace. So, it’s not lack of faith that brings about depressive thoughts, but Faith that delivers us from the brink; not low faith that brings feelings of worthlessness, but our strong Faith that finally reminds us of how precious we are in His eyes (the only ones that really count); weak faith would look at the hopelessness and unfairness of this disease, where a strong Faith looks at all the blessings medical science, in conjunction with Gods Word and other strong Christians, can bring in the way of healing, reassurance, and comfort and relief from ANY malady sin brings upon us (not because we’re bad or worse than anyone else, but simply because of our humanity).

    You’re still going to have your days, but I totally concur that you will be able to relate from a unique perspective in your mission. God Bless you! You ARE a precious and glorious jewel in our Savior’s eye.

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