Something I have been thinking a lot about is the fact that I am single. It is so hard for me sometimes to not feel inadequate because of the fact I don’t have a man in my life. This season in my life I’m supposed to be single as they don’t allow dating in the mission school, but it’s still hard to deal with sometimes. It is one of my triggers so I think it’s something I definitely need to address.I have such a low self esteem because of it and it basically affects every aspects of my life.
When, I think about being single. I believe it’s because I’m not good enough, not pretty enough, etc. I believe that guys could never be interested in me. I feel like all the girls around me are prettier or better than I am, therefore I’m not deserving of a mans attention. Yes, I do know all of these are lies, but it’s not something I can ignore, because those thoughts still haunt me.
They key I think is to pray against these thoughts. I have to realize that what others think of me doesn’t matter. I need to realize I am pretty, I am worthy, and I am good enough. During this season of singleness I also have to focus on God. I have to realize God is the only one that can satisfy my loneliness. He is the only one that can satisfy. Period. God has to be the one I am pursuing and not a man.
With all that said, once again, I still struggle. I need prayer for this part of my life. I need to pray that I can be satisfied in God alone and I can accept the fact that I’m single and not think of it as some flaw. Just because I’m single, doesn’t mean I’m flawed. I’m a beautiful woman, even if I don’t believe it. So I will try. I will try my hardest to be satisfied in my singleness. This season of my life, no matter how long God chooses it to last, will be a time for me to glorify God with everything I say and do. Even though I’m single.. No, because I am single, I will be able to serve the Lord in so many beautiful ways.