There is a lot I could say about brokenness.  It is something everyone has to deal with as we live in this broken and fallen world.  It is the reason we need a Savior.  It’s something that I have allowed to consume my life and that, my friends, is not okay.

As you may have read in my prior blog post, on Friday February 27th, I attempted to take my own life.  Although I can not pinpoint any specific reason I did this, the cause all leads back to brokenness.  Things in my past and things in my present all caused me to crash and burn.  This is not an excuse for what I did, however.  There is no excuse for trying to take my life.  I have hurt a lot of people, including my close friends and family.  Although this isn’t the first time I’ve attempted suicide, it has had the most impact on my life.

I have written this blog post to officially announce that my leaders and I have decided that the mission school is not the healthiest place for me to be at this point in my life.  They are sending me off so I can receive treatment and healing. This could mean a lot of different things in my future, but for right now, I am just taking it a day at a time.

My next reason for writing this post is to apologize to all my friends, family, and supporters.  I know suicide is not the answer.  I just need a lot of help in figuring out what is.  Please know I love you all and hope you can forgive me.  I never intended to hurt anyone except myself.  Turns out, suicide hurts everyone.

I hope the title of this blog caught your attention.  I hope you can forgive and support me as I enter into the next phase of my life.  I will let you all know more later what that is, but for now, continue to pray as I will for you.


5 Replies to “Suicide.”

  1. Dear Tori, You should never apologize for your feelings they are yours and only you really know how you feel. All we want is for you to get better because you are loved by so many people. I saw you grow up and it pains me that you have had a rough time of life. I am not ashamed of you and I don’t ever want you to feel uncomfortable around anyone. There is nothing to forgive. I do not pass judgement on you. I promise you that you will get stronger after every challenge life throws your way. Trust in God and believe in yourself. You have a lot going for you! Love you, Aunt Kathy

    1. Your love, Kathy, has been such a blessing to Tori, to us! Thanking God for your constant heartfelt support. You are truly a special sister to us, and a very dear aunt to Tori & Jon! Thank you!

  2. Dear Tori, you are still in th Father’s hands. He does not so easily let go of you. I have found that He pursues us. “He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” Philippians 1:6. We are all a work in progress. Meanwhile, know that we all dearly love you and pray for you daily. Aunt Mary ❤️

  3. Dear Tori, Your mission school experience, all you learned, all you did in community & in mission outreach have been such a blessing. Even though you are leaving a bit early, you will be able to stay connected in many ways, and you take away a true lifetime of enrichment, which God uses as He continues to guide you in your desire to serve in mission. All this while you’ve had to deal with serious health issues.

    God is still bringing you through healing through a very difficult illness, and He uses our illnesses in life (cancer, diabetes, depression, disabilities, etc.) for greater grace-work to be done in us & through us (consider the apostle Paul, 2 Corinthians 12; and the man born blind of John 9, of whom Jesus stated about his blindness, “…so that the works of God might be displayed in him.”)

    The Lord best uses us & receives all glory when we are ‘weak’, when we have been in ‘hard places’, when we experience ‘deeper healing’ (such as Joni Eareckson Tada experienced…and, oh, how you know how God uses her in worldwide ministry & mission!).

    We always love you & support you!! Always!! And, we firmly believe that the Lord will bring you to higher places, in His healing of your depression, and in your great desire to reach out to others with His love.

    Love always!!

  4. The Lord is more powerful, more loving, more forgiving, more persevering in his caring for us than we can ever imagine. For the weight of his glory he has a place set aside for each of his sons and daughters – this is what it means to be holy and special in his sight. May we each rest in the assurance we have in Jesus who gave all so that we might have shalom with the Father.

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