When Beauty Is Less than Beautiful

Have you ever noticed that the world has such a skewed view of what beautiful is? It seems almost every culture views something else as beautiful. From the constant changing fashion trends to the overly skinny super models beauty never stays the same long and is often unattainable.

Over the past three weeks, I have thought a lot about this idea of beauty. I have done a lot of, some healthy and many not so healthy, things to try any make myself feel beautiful. At the end of it all however, I still feel like I’m reaching for something and just coming up empty. Could it be that what I’m reaching for is simply a social construct and not really the root of what makes a person beautiful?

We have all heard from many sources including famous scholars and biblical texts that true beauty come from within. Whether that simply be a lovely personality or something more spiritual such as a strong faith in God, it seems that true beauty is rooted much more deeply at the inside of a person more than it is externally.

I’ve come to realize something over the past couple of days. All my striving to become beautiful has actually made me ugly. I won’t go into detail here, but a lot of what I’ve done over the past three weeks has turned my insides into a completely ugly person.

If I’m being honest with you all, I have to admit something that even my parents are unaware of. (Stay tuned Mom and Dad.) Through all my striving , I have come to a point where I no longer feel worth a lot in the worlds eyes, mainly because I can’t measure up. This, along with a lot of other factors, has lead to a lot of hurt. This hurt has lead me to question God’s goodness. So here’s my confession. I don’t know if I truly believe God is as good as he says he is. It’s not just because of my hurt that I’m questioning this, but also a lot of things both in the bible and today make me question it. I question whether I truly want to trust a God like that. I’ve had doubts and struggles in my faith before, but never one this serious. I had to physically leave my young adult group at my church on Wednesday because I was so physically upset with God.

So maybe all my striving to feel beautiful has lead my soul to become less then beautiful. I’m not posting this blog for people to comment and try to convince me to change my mind. I know what you are all going to say and honestly, if I’m going to change it has to come from within. The reason I share this, however, is to be open and honest with those who love me as I have found honesty to be one valued thing at the moment.

I realize I haven’t given an update in awhile and a lot of what I mentioned earlier is why. I haven’t had the words to say to describe my situation until now.

Now I’m realizing how messed up the world is and how messed up I am simply by being apart of the world. My “beauty” is less than beautiful. And my beautiful is not true “beauty”. That’s what it comes down to. Until next time my dear friends.

4 Replies to “When Beauty Is Less than Beautiful”

  1. I have always said beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What I see as beautiful you may not. A male alligator finds a female alligator gorgeous. As far as beauty…I get the fact it affects women on a different level. We all question God but I am brought back to humility when I read the book of Job. You don’t like something about yourself….join every body else in America. Never compare yourself to others because there is never any comparison, there is only one you and you are awesome.

  2. Tori, I wouldn’t begin to tell you things you already know or to try and change your mind about things. But your blog brought to mind a very dark time in my own life. I won’t go into detail, but at the time I was very angry at God and, like you, wondered about His goodness. I felt that praying was a worthless excersize (I stll struggle with prayer at times). I poured my thoughts out to a vicar (3rd year sem student). He said to me, “don’t you think God knows all this? He is holding all the more tightly to you because you can’t hold on to Him. That is grace. He calls the hopeless, the helpless, the angry, the outcast, the broken,…the sinners. He doesn’t call the self righteous, or those who think they can do things on their own.” One thing that stuck with me. He said, “Tell God how you feel. Be honest. He knows anyway. Then, if you feel the need, which I suspect you do, say ‘help.’ ”
    That was the best counseling session I ever had. I thank God for that vicar.
    Aunt Mary

  3. Tori, you say that you no longer feel worth in the world’s eyes and that has lead to a lot of hurt. Anyone who looks for worth in the world’s eyes is going to eventually feel hurt. It doesn’t work for anyone. FromGeorganne

  4. God is incrediblyyyy good, it’s his nature. It’s the evil that corrupts and deceits us. Please don’t fall for the lie that God isn’t good. That makes my heart hurt… You have an INCREDIBLE story that God wants to use for the kingdom to change MANY lives. That’s why the devil is working so hard to keep you from sharing your story of REDEMPTION!! But, nobody can make the decision for you… you have to choose. I love you Tori… a lot of people do, but we can not satisfy you with our love. Only He can.

    You are beautiful because you were made in His image, anything else is just false beauty. Beauty is really when He is in us, all the makeup and glamour is nothing, compared to who He is and what He can do with our broken hearts.

    Love walking with you Tori. Thanks for being vulnerable.

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