Suicide Note

Dear Friends and Family,

This is something no one wants to see. Their friend, son, daughter, lover, in such a deep and dark place that the only way they know to end the pain is by ending their life.

Suicide is pretty taboo. It’s only whispered. It’s talked about in dark places. Often times, it’s not talked about at all. Some people think they do it for attention. Others don’t know why they do it at all. Why does the world want to keep suicide in the dark?

When someone is suicidal, they think they don’t matter anymore. They don’t see how they can add anything to the world. It’s as if the world would be better off without them.. How can someone in this state of mind rationally think to call someone for help!? Especially when they have the fear that whoever they reach out to won’t understand. Chances are, they won’t. Actually, I don’t think anyone can understand suicide unless they have been actively suicidal.

So what’s this all about? Well it’s time we start a conversation about suicide. It’s time we give up preconceived ideas about the subject and learn what we can from the survivors. It’s time we advocate on their behalf, learn the warning signs, and talk about it often. Ignoring it won’t make it go away.

As you have probably figured out, this isn’t a suicide note. At least it’s not in the traditional sense. This week is National Suicide Prevention Week. I find it funny that I haven’t seen many people talk about the subject yet this week. Besides, of corse, my friends who have attempted, or know someone who has attempted or commuted suicide.

I just want to throw this out there, how many of you would truly miss me if I were gone? Now, you don’t have to answer the question. I just want you to think about it. Then I want you to think about this question only replace it with other people you love. Now go one step further and use the question with people you may hate. How do you feel? Is your heart broken? Do you realize you couldn’t live your life without some people in it? I know this may seem silly, but if it was someone you truly loved and they were depressed and suicidal, wouldn’t you want to do any and everything in your power to let them know they are loved and they will be missed.

I know for me, I never tell people when I’m feeling suicidal. That’s probably why I have attempted so many times. Even though I know I have caring people in my life, I’m still terrified of what they will say if I walked up to them and said those taboo words, “I want to kill myself.” I’ve gotten a lot better at managing my emotions and I have an easier time finding ways to cope if I start feeling suicidal. That doesn’t mean I don’t think about it though. Even tonight, I was having such a hard time realizing worth in anything and it took all the strength I had to resist reaching for that bottle of bleach. It’s a daily battle. Some are just starting this battle and I want to do everything in my power to show them how much they are worth. I don’t want them to be afraid to ask for help like I am. I want this to be the generation that ends suicide.

With that, I will tell every one of you… No matter who you are, friend, family, or foe.. If you are starting to feel suicidal please reach out to me. Trust me I understand and would never judge you. Every life matters. Every life is important.

Love,
Victoria

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