When She Let Go

“Let go.” she whispered to herself
Griping onto the ledge, she held tight
Fearing for her life
Thoughts of good things flooded her mind
They left as quickly as they came
All that remains is the thing she holds
No knowledge of what’s below
The longer she holds, the tighter the grip
Slip, slip
She let herself slip
Scared of everything
Not knowing where to go
She sees no future for this ledge is where it ends
No hopes, no dreams
“Let go.” she screams
She loosens her grip
One more moment
She squeezes her eyes shut
In one swift breath
She says everything she’s ever meant to anyone
Which was this
Nothing came from her lips
As she thought one final time
“Let go.”
This was it.
Her grip came loose.
Heaven above and hell below
Falling into an abyss

When she woke up
She realized one thing
The fall was not hard
Her body held only a scratch
Which will turn into a scar
She looks up
She sees what she held
How did she live?
Holding onto what she knew, she felt safe
The fall was so short

That’s when she realized why she let go
She thought things would be so much better below
She was right about that
But not what she thinks
The ledge she clung too
Took off to sea
It never came back
Sunk by its own dreams
She let go
Before it left the land
She let go
Before it took her as prisoner
A prisoner of sea
She let go of the small ship that she held so tight
The ship she called “world” most of her life
Now she stands on a foreign land
Its foundation sturdy as a Father’s hand
She walks step by step
It shouts her name
It screams
She is free and alive
It’s funny
What she held onto was destined to die
And what she fell onto is now holding her tight

Friends, I’ve said it before and you better believe I will say it again, I AM NOT A POET. I’m not even sure what constitutes a poem and what doesn’t. With that said, I wrote this not long ago. I don’t know if it will even make sense to anyone except me, but I really like it. The imagery it creates, for me, really captures a lot of things well. The ship represents my past. It is basically my security blanket. It’s all I have ever know which is why I held on so tightly to it. The fall represents my struggle with depression. Here you can see the internal conflict I face. I tell myself to “let go.” That is my idea of giving up and pulling the plug. Before she knew that it was only a short fall and that there was solid land below, she thought the fall would kill her. When she finally did let go, she didn’t realize that what she was holding onto was actually the real thing that would lead her to death (a more permanent and eternal death being drown at sea i.e. Chaos). She when she lets go, I think of that as her finally coming to the end of herself. When she falls into what she thinks is impending doom, she’s actually caught by dry land only a few feet down. This, to me, represents being caught by God and the people that love me. She fell on dry land (and an infinitely better life because up until this point she was living her entire life on a small, unstable, ship). I’m super unsure whether that will make sense to anybody else, but I hope it does. Anyway, as always, thanks for reading. Shalom, friends.

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