I’m slightly sad. I’m sad that I can’t say the things I want to say. I’m sad that I still hide parts of myself. I’m sad that my loud, bold, slightly quirky personality doesn’t really fit the mold for being a “lady”. I’m sad that my non traditional views of pursuing a career are still frowned upon by many. Most of all, however, I’m sad that many people can’t look past these things and others to see the wonderful person I really am.
If you have known me at any point of my twenty-two years of life, you will know I have never, ever, thought highly of myself. I became pretty good at faking it for awhile, but the truth always has a way of coming to light. So please know, I am in no way trying to come off prideful in any way. The truth is, I hope others will be inspired by this to change their mindset a little bit and be thankful for who they were created to be.
I’m not pretend others opinions don’t exist. I’m also not going to take all of them with stride. Let’s be honest, some people’s opinions matter more than others. Truthfully, there is really only one opinion that should shape your opinion of yourself. Most Christians know what God thinks of them. Most know exactly where to find all of the verses that tells us how much God values us. Even some unbelievers arguably know what God thinks of humanity. If you don’t know, simply put, he thinks you’re to die for! Quite literally I might add.
With that truth in mind, I know personally I still put way to much stock in others opinions of me. I’m sure other can relate as well. Tell me if any of this sounds familiar. Growing up, I heard a variety of negative comments. “You’re fat.” “You’re ugly” “You’re loud” “You’re annoying” I think you get the idea. I took every one of these comments and held onto them. I held on tight for years. These comments became the core belief about myself. On the other hand, I received just as many, if not more, positive comments. “Wow, you are so joyful!” “I love your enthusiasm” “You are so musically gifted” “You’re love for people shines right through you!” I even often received a statement such as this, “You are beautiful!” *GASP*
However, with these positive statements instead of grabbing them, I let them slide off of me like butter. I then stomped my muddy feet all over them by giving so many excuses as to why they aren’t true.
Something I’ve learned is that when receiving a comment either positive OR negative, it is important to look at the source. When I look at the source of the negative comments, every single one of them was made by some pimple face teenager. Not that all pimple face teenagers are jerks. The point is that I can’t name a single one by name. The point? Well, they obviously didn’t know me very well. On the other hand, when I look at the positive comments, I can remember exactly who said it and in what context. Most of them I still talk to til this day. So why is it that I care and believe more about what strangers have to say about me, rather than those who know and love me?
I’m going to take this one step further. Clearly the source of comments is instrumental in finding your self worth. However, there is one commen denominator between all the sources mentioned here. They are all human. How much credit should we give to any comment that comes from another broken person? Also, how much more does a comment mean when it comes from the one who rules the universe!? The one who made us! He know our worth infinitely more than any human could ever know! So when he says, “You are fearfully and wonderfully made.” I’m going to believe it.
This idea comes from a children’s book by Max Lucado called You are Special. I have been thinking so much about this in recent months. My mindset has changed more than it ever has. The reason being, I’m finally putting stock where it’s worth putting stock. Essentially, my worth has to to come from God and only Him. After that, if I look at myself in the mirror and see a beautiful face smiling back at me, even better. Once I started believing God’s written truths about me, I’ve slowly been able to uncover some other great things about me. Thinks like, “Hey, I am pretty good at music!” and “I am hilarious!!” (Trust me on this one). These things I discovered on my own and they root from the firm foundations that God laid down about me.
So in the beginning, I mentioned a list of things I am sad about. If you look back at them again, you’ll notice that I’m not sad that I’m “too loud” or “not feminin enough”. It’s society that I’m sad about. I firmly believe that once people find their own true value they then will see the true value in others. Until the day Jesus rules on his throne on earth and we are partying together, there will be a flawed society. Luckily, it won’t be this way forever. Until then, love yourself and love others. Don’t be afraid to be who you were created to be!
I am Victoria Renee
- I am Beautiful
- I am loved
- I am sinless
- I have a loving father
- I am worth dying for
- I am joyful
- I am careing
- I am independent
- I am a free thinker
- I am quirky
- I am musically gifted
I am Victorious “Born-Again”