This week has possibly been one of the most trying weeks in a lot of ways. I don’t think there is anything I could compare it to. This week I felt more alone then I think I ever have in my entire life. This type of loneliness was not something I could attribute to being single, which has been common in the past. I’ve accepted my singleness as a gift and now I will wait on the Lord. No, this loneliness was much deeper.
This may sounds odd, but I didn’t talk to anyone about how I felt. I kept it inside. I believe I am wearing on some people in my life and they don’t deserve that. So for the most part, I kept a lot inside. Maybe that is why I felt alone?
I’m lucky. I think I came closer to dying this week then I ever have before in my life, and I didn’t even make a suicide attempt. Why am I still here? I don’t understand…
I want to live. Please don’t mistake that. I also want the pain to stop and never, ever come back. I have been in close contact with almost no one except my parents this week..
I really understand how important it is for me to make time for God in my life. I firmly believe that if I do, I won’t have to be lonely.
Who know.. I don’t.
Shalom
