This week has possibly been one of the most trying weeks in a lot of ways.  I don’t think there is anything I could compare it to.  This week I felt more alone then I think I ever have in my entire life.  This type of loneliness was not something I could attribute to being single, which has been common in the past.  I’ve accepted my singleness as a gift and now I will wait on the Lord. No, this loneliness was much deeper.  

This may sounds odd, but I didn’t talk to anyone about how I felt.  I kept it inside.  I believe I am wearing on some people in my life and they don’t deserve that.  So for the most part, I kept a lot inside.  Maybe that is why I felt alone? 

I’m lucky.  I think I came closer to dying this week then I ever have before in my life, and I didn’t even make a suicide attempt.  Why am I still here? I don’t understand… 

I want to live.  Please don’t mistake that.  I also want the pain to stop and never, ever come back.  I have been in close contact with almost no one except my parents this week..

I really understand how important it is for me to make time for God in my life.  I firmly believe that if I do, I won’t have to be lonely.

Who know.. I don’t.


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