He Hurt Me


come back so i can say yes this time do it again now that i know what to call what you did
this time i’ll be ready i like it rough now and i’m done with romance i never met another man who loved me so much at first sight he had to hurt me to do it

 This won’t be long.  I have never really talked about my rapes. I really don’t plan on it now either.  

This quote really struck a chord with me though.  I had to share it.  I felt this blog would be the most appropriate means to do so.

Rape is one of those things that is hard to explain.  I also believe it is different for everyone.  No matter what, it’s traumatic.  So I can only speak for myself when I say as much as I hate the men who hurt me, this disgusting sense of longing also came right alone with it.

Not to be with the attacker really; though the quote above seems to suggest that.  The longing I have experienced is different.  My attackers made me into one thing, a body.  Sometimes, I still wonder if that is all I am.

I ask the question to what extent do I have to degrade myself to have someone love me? I already know the answer.  I’m fighting it. I’m slowly fighting it. 

I know who I am and what I deserve. I just have to fight the infestation in my head. 

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