I have been struggling with a question this week. I’ve debated, read, and prayed through many plausible answers. This evening, I sat down with a book that laid some pretty heavy stuff down. Here, let me explain.
I’m ashamed to admit how many men I have slept with. Though I continue to try to forgive myself, I realize the last effects that this has. This week, I began to wonder about if I fall in love with someone. I know I will have to admit to the man I’m potentially going to marry the hard truth about my past. A good Christian man will surely forgive me for my past, but I also know, it’s totally reasonable for him to not want to be with me because of it. So I guess that’s the question I’ve been struggling with. Can or will my future husband be able to accept that I didn’t save myself for him? Can he forgive me for being a harlot?
In an attempt to answer this, I turned to the book that I relate to. The book of Hosea. In the book of Hosea, God tells Hosea to marry a prostitute. She ends up being unfaithful, but Hosea being a man of God continues to pursue her. I really appreciate that God included this in his letter to us. In it, I see how much God care for us and how he wants us to care for each other.
So maybe a man will be able to love me, maybe he won’t. I realized it’s not really up to me. I’m already loved by Jesus and he’s really all I need to sustain me. Should God choose a man to love me, I’m sure he’ll choose a man like Hosea who can forgive unconditionally.
Tonight I started re-reading the book by Joshua Harris “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”. I really like a lot of what Josh has to say, although, I do feel in the first couple chapters, there is not a lot of lenience towards those who have already screwed up. I started to feel a sense of guilt again. I felt afraid for my future. That’s when I decided once again to open Gods letter to us. Ephesians 5: 25-27 says:
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish
So, I don’t need to fret, feel guilty, or worry. I’m a daughter of the King.